The Global Warming Song

The troops environmental were all feeling quite depressed:
It looked as if their favorite doomsdays all had failed the test.
Forget about the New Ice Age, deforestation too.
What was a good environmentalist supposed to do?

      Global warming! Global warming!
      It’s gonna be so fright’ning
      As the Fahrenheit keeps height’ning!
      Global warming! Global warming!
      This time there’s not a chance they could be wrong.

So many of the scary things had simply failed to come;
The world perversely failed to drown in its effluvium.
The streams got cleaner year by year, the lakes came back from dead.
What could the greenies think of that would fill us all with dread?

      Global warming! Global warming!
      The planet’s getting roasted
      And we’re gonna all get toasted!
      Global warming! Global warming!
      This time there’s not a chance they could be wrong.

The spray cans won’t destroy the Earth, the ozone belt's unmussed.
Midwesterners don’t choke in soot, their rivers don't combust.
The New Dust Bowl was never seen, the topsoil stayed somehow.
What could a good environmentalist believe in now?

      Global warming! Global warming!
      Our nasty carbon crud’ll
      Turn the Arctic to a puddle!
      Global warming! Global warming!
      This time there’s not a chance they could be wrong.

The scientists keep saying that it’s true beyond a doubt;
Their models are so perfect, if you question them they pout.
Their posture seems to harden as their data seem to melt.
Is this the kind of science that’s not thought as much as felt?

      Global warming! Global warming!
      The scientists are certain,
      Don’t go look behind that curtain!
      Global warming! Global warming!
      This time there’s not a chance they could be wrong.

But put away your doubts and let’s just all get on the team:
The greenies are extremely short with those who dare blaspheme.
So throw away that mower and shut down all those drive-thrus:
We’ve got a world to save, just an economy to lose!

      Global warming! Global warming!
      Don’t do no barbecuin’
      Or for sure we’ll all be stewin’!
      Global warming! Global warming!
      This time there’s not a chance they could be wrong.